She left one year ago today. I don’t know how to feel about that. I keep trying on emotions hoping someday one will fit and feel right. It was a shock when I got the call. Even though I expected such a call for years, I was surprised and sad. Then there was the social media and too many sappy posts from other people who were caught off guard by her death. I guess even though it’s been a year, it’s still kind of a shock. I mourned for the mom she never was and now would never be. I was angry, too. I think I deserved more from her than the “sometimes love” I got.
I think she was beautiful. I want to mourn for her, not just the memories that don’t exist. Yes, she told me she loved me, but that never lasted for very long. I was always confused by her perspective. Yes, we had some fun and laughed and talked for hours and hours… mostly about her.